Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes – the first time I wrote the word I spelt it with two ‘T’s’. Its funny how this insignificant barely noticeable but highly stingable insect has become the subject of my highly esteemed blog which has been read by only three people so far, no sorry four that is including me.

Let me start off by saying I Hate Mosquitoes just as much I hate having the flu or eating boiled French Beans and burns on my backside after acidic meals. I loathe the very thought of mosquitoes for the sheer reason because of my eight hours of sleep, these less than half a centimeter insects ruin my eight hours of necessary sleep and make it a mere four hours, as a result of which I sleep during the day and miss out on a lot of good things I had rather be doing than sleeping to catch up my medically certified required sleep.

Let me tell you about my experiences with these ferocious insects. Their one bite wakes me from the best dream I may be having in days, a dream that consists of good food, pretty maidens some good rock music and me acting lead in a James Bond movie right at the part where i say “shaken not stir….”

I thought I had come to a place in my life where I could say I am immune to those little *peep* mosquitoes when they started biting with renewed vigor once again. This time they bit in the same places again and again. I wonder how much blood these fellows actually drink at one time. I mean common they bite forever and suck forever; do they have a Cameron Diaz Metabolism?

My three years in Dubai were the most peaceful as not one mosquito was ever seen in that place. The funny part about the mosquitoes at my place is that I kill literally about fifteen of them with the electric mosquito killing bat.

With the bat in my hand, I fancy myself to be a warrior set on a mission to destroy all the mosquitoes in the world and bring vengeance to the fallen species of mankind. Well I kill about twenty of them every night but the surprising thing is by three in the morning another battalion of mosquito attackers have made their way to parts of my body which I can’t specify in this blog for reasons you must be knowing. So I start killing them once again, this time I am more ferocious than Gengis in his epic battle. I swing my bat and watch them fry, fry to a painful death. The sickening stench of their burning bodies brings a smile to my face and I know that the entire world is looking up to me to clear the scum from the face of the earth. After half an hour another fifteen start biting me all over.

So clearly the bat was not working out for me since every mosquito I didn’t kill went back and called back his other friends to feast on my deliciously filled body.

Next I started using the mosquito coils, I nearly choked to death because of the fumes. My eyes watering and my nose wanting to cut itself away from my body and commit suicide, I bear the pain. I sleep peacefully for two nights. On the third day the mosquito coil is rendered useless, these fellows start biting again. So now I don’t only have to bear my watering eyes, suicidal nose but also the nasty stings these little fellows give me. 

According to my observations I think that mosquitoes have their own little world where they r given steroid shots to gain immunity to our mosquito mats, coils and liquids. The doctors labour day in and day out to find out solutions to our weapons of mosquito destruction and then inject them with those medicines and send them to collect blood form us out of which I think they are making a super mosquito that will wipe out the entire human race and conquer the world and rule over it.

But little do those tiny chaps know, I am going to foil these plans of theirs, I have come up with my own special recipe to kill mosquitoes. Its made out of human gas, yes the same gas you are thinking about. My weapon shall be read by early next year and I shall give the weapons to people who have been tormented by these insects and those who want to join me in the war for world peace. To those who want to join my underground movement of liberating the world of mosquitoes let me warn you that the fight is tough and some of us may lose our lives in the process, but this has to be done. its for us, our future, our future’s future.

I dream of a world where we can sleep in peace, we can sleep without fear of being stung by an insect. A world where we can sleep without our shirts and not be worried of how many mosquitoes may bite us. I dream of a world where mosquitoes are extinct. I dream of a world at peace while sleeping only in their underwear.

 

Delhi Blasts

firstly its pathetic that we, human beings have come down to a level where we cant sort things out by peacefully talking to one another and amicabilly sorting out differences. in my generations lingo, IT SUCKS. i guess the future holds guns and bombs on a day to day basis to resolve marital probelms or fights with neighbors. 

we all can invariably, as said by all news outlets, stand as one and say, yeah this should not happen and its disgusting and insensitive but truth be spoken to what extent does this affect us? do we really feel something deep down for the victims, for the people related to the victims. when we see the NSG and the bomb squad close to the live bombs doing their best to diffuse them, what are we thinking? are we waiting for the sensational or are we saying a prayer for their protection.

we are so exposed to terrorism and loss of lives at regular intervals that we have in a way vaccinated ourself from feeling for people. why?

a friend of mine whom i was telling about the Delhi bomb blasts made this comment, "oh, only twenty people died?". i sent her an IM with "?" and she replied saying, "Well Errol i have become so used to listening to 200 and 500 people dying that 20 seems like hardly anything."

i didnt reply to the IM. what would i tell her anyways?

have we lost the concept and value of life? do we measure life by 'how many' rather than'who'? can only news of a thousand people dying and another five thousand living like semi hacked vegetables for the rest of their lives make people feel for others? is that what we "God's most acomplished masterpiece" have come down to? a level which is actually is a marsh land of sinking sand made up of our modernistic values and outlook so tainted by the 'me' concept that we fail to see our very own next door neighbor struggling.

with the happenings of Orissa and now delhi its time we try and find that heart of ours and just for a brief moment focus it all on the cryings of mankind thorughout our country itself. i am not a social, PETA, WWE or watever activist. i am a normal human being who feels because as rightly said one day someone whom i dearly love may be there dying or even dead and at that time i would want my fellow indians to stand with me and just for a moment understand my pain and in that moment make it their own.

i guess the terrorists too have found out about this laid back mentality of ours, they must be thinking "oh well lets develop bigger bombs now, people dont care about one or two they want hundreds to be rattled" and that is what is happening. they are now making advanced bombs - bombs with more power, difficult to diffuse. 

we in a way are responsible for bringing things to this state. i am not condemning everyone for i too am guilty of, at times having the 'so what' attitude. i mean well as long as its not me its cool right? but well today was different, i felt the pain once again and i appeal to you as a friend take time off and think about these victims and say a small prayer for them, God listens at all times, that little miracle they witness of their life coming thorugh may be the result of your prayer.

thanks for bearing with my outburst.

Pain

i have been down with fever, cold, cough, headache, delusions, alien visitations, etc. you know the package deal you get once you get the flu. it was a hectic time, trust me. sucks to have cough, cold and a headache at the same time, you have no clue what irritates you more and that irritates you all the more. 

so yeah initially i thought it was my body that was aching, but no my body seemed ok compared to my breathing cycle. i took a deep breath in and realised my nose is blocked and every time i tried to suck in whatever stuff was within the nose of mine my head felt like it was doing the rounds in a 1975 rickshaw with himesh reshammiya remixes on.

so yeah my neighbor, the typical plump lady, walks in and tells me "baba the headache is because of your fever". looking at her smiling at me with concern and those aged brows frowning with wisdom i said, "OK lets get this fever out". 

out came the tiger balm and heaps of it on my chest, neck, ribcage and back. well friends the next 10 minutes was agony, it was satan using my stomach as a training ground for eternal fire!!!!

anyways i bore through that just as well a baby would, shouting, bawling, jumping around and tucked myself in with come collective soul (god bless them) music.

so the next morning my fever was gone but the headache, it still remained. now this is not your regular run of the mill headache its the headache that makes you say your final confessions and prepare for the great judgement before the Big J himself. 

so yeah once again i took in whatever it is my nose is holding for this holiday season and the headache got worse. so yes i knew the problem was my nose. i did my whole two month baby routine again and my aunt, after two days of agonising pain comes and tells me oh you have cold??? well here baba take this. it was some nasal drops. after getting the nasal drops in, my nose thankfully is cleared. 

the headache is still on though. its like a stupid teenager who has just learnt to mouth fag and wants to try every cigarette at the pan beedi shop where no one will catch him/her/it/(alien genders) - now u know what i mean by delusional?

so yeah my head hurts. still. it has no connection with my fever, cold, cough, pancreas. its an entity in itself which needs to be treated separately.

well this is my observation about pain -

if more than one part of your body hurts, trust me all hurt equally bad. its just a matter of which pain you identify more with.

for example - i thought my body hurt more than my nose and head. but no all hurt equally bad when looked at in itself. its just a matter of shifting focus form one to another.

why did i write all this? i have no clue

but hey there was a lesson to learn.