Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes – the first time I wrote the word I spelt it with two ‘T’s’. Its funny how this insignificant barely noticeable but highly stingable insect has become the subject of my highly esteemed blog which has been read by only three people so far, no sorry four that is including me.

Let me start off by saying I Hate Mosquitoes just as much I hate having the flu or eating boiled French Beans and burns on my backside after acidic meals. I loathe the very thought of mosquitoes for the sheer reason because of my eight hours of sleep, these less than half a centimeter insects ruin my eight hours of necessary sleep and make it a mere four hours, as a result of which I sleep during the day and miss out on a lot of good things I had rather be doing than sleeping to catch up my medically certified required sleep.

Let me tell you about my experiences with these ferocious insects. Their one bite wakes me from the best dream I may be having in days, a dream that consists of good food, pretty maidens some good rock music and me acting lead in a James Bond movie right at the part where i say “shaken not stir….”

I thought I had come to a place in my life where I could say I am immune to those little *peep* mosquitoes when they started biting with renewed vigor once again. This time they bit in the same places again and again. I wonder how much blood these fellows actually drink at one time. I mean common they bite forever and suck forever; do they have a Cameron Diaz Metabolism?

My three years in Dubai were the most peaceful as not one mosquito was ever seen in that place. The funny part about the mosquitoes at my place is that I kill literally about fifteen of them with the electric mosquito killing bat.

With the bat in my hand, I fancy myself to be a warrior set on a mission to destroy all the mosquitoes in the world and bring vengeance to the fallen species of mankind. Well I kill about twenty of them every night but the surprising thing is by three in the morning another battalion of mosquito attackers have made their way to parts of my body which I can’t specify in this blog for reasons you must be knowing. So I start killing them once again, this time I am more ferocious than Gengis in his epic battle. I swing my bat and watch them fry, fry to a painful death. The sickening stench of their burning bodies brings a smile to my face and I know that the entire world is looking up to me to clear the scum from the face of the earth. After half an hour another fifteen start biting me all over.

So clearly the bat was not working out for me since every mosquito I didn’t kill went back and called back his other friends to feast on my deliciously filled body.

Next I started using the mosquito coils, I nearly choked to death because of the fumes. My eyes watering and my nose wanting to cut itself away from my body and commit suicide, I bear the pain. I sleep peacefully for two nights. On the third day the mosquito coil is rendered useless, these fellows start biting again. So now I don’t only have to bear my watering eyes, suicidal nose but also the nasty stings these little fellows give me. 

According to my observations I think that mosquitoes have their own little world where they r given steroid shots to gain immunity to our mosquito mats, coils and liquids. The doctors labour day in and day out to find out solutions to our weapons of mosquito destruction and then inject them with those medicines and send them to collect blood form us out of which I think they are making a super mosquito that will wipe out the entire human race and conquer the world and rule over it.

But little do those tiny chaps know, I am going to foil these plans of theirs, I have come up with my own special recipe to kill mosquitoes. Its made out of human gas, yes the same gas you are thinking about. My weapon shall be read by early next year and I shall give the weapons to people who have been tormented by these insects and those who want to join me in the war for world peace. To those who want to join my underground movement of liberating the world of mosquitoes let me warn you that the fight is tough and some of us may lose our lives in the process, but this has to be done. its for us, our future, our future’s future.

I dream of a world where we can sleep in peace, we can sleep without fear of being stung by an insect. A world where we can sleep without our shirts and not be worried of how many mosquitoes may bite us. I dream of a world where mosquitoes are extinct. I dream of a world at peace while sleeping only in their underwear.